Politics, zombies & self-defence for 6-year-olds

Three conversations with Little A today:

#1: In which Little A has plans for Rob Ford

Little A: who’s that? (Pointing at the TV in the restaurant we were in, which was showing a clip of Rob Ford tangling with reporters)

Me: That’s the mayor. You know, the one you compared to Jar-Jar Binks a while back…

Little A: Oh yeah… (laughs)

Me: Although hopefully he’s not going to be mayor for very much longer…

Little A: (interested) Why not?

Me: Because there’s going to be an election soon, and there’s a candidate running who will hopefully make a much better mayor, if she wins.

Little A: Can we help her win?

Me: (pleased) Well, sure, we can try! People who are running in elections always need volunteers to help with stuff, like handing out pamphlets and buttons and things, so if you want, we could —

Little A: (cutting me off) Actually, I meant by shooting the bad mayor. With a Nerf gun. A really good one, like that disc-shooting one from the Zombie Strike series.

Me: …Are you saying you think Rob Ford is a zombie?

Little A: (in her grownups-are-silly voice) Nooo! I just think it’s the best gun for the job, is all.

Me: I’m not so sure shooting the current mayor with a Nerf gun is the best strategy for helping Olivia Chow win…

Little A: I know! Why don’t we just super-glue him to the ground, so he can’t get up?

#2: In which I really have to wonder sometimes…

(In the same restaurant. Little A is gazing thoughtfully out the window while nibbling on pickles)

Little A: What if there was a zombie body on the ground, only it didn’t have any arms or legs, or a head, just a body, rolling around on the ground? Wouldn’t that be funny?

Me: Er… Where did that idea come from?

Little A: I don’t know, I just thought it!

#3: In which even when she’s driving me crazy, Little A is hilarious

Me (after chasing her down when she disappeared for about the dozenth time in one evening) Sweetie, how many times have I told you NOT to run away like that? When we’re out in public, I do NOT want you running off to somewhere where I can’t see you, or hiding from me because you think it’s funny…

Little A: (laughs uproariously)

Me: (getting angrier) …because there are BAD PEOPLE in the world, who HURT CHILDREN, and they look for children who are NOT with their parents, so that’s why I get SCARED when I don’t know where you are!

Little A: Well then, I’ll just carry a Nerf gun everywhere I go!

Me: Carrying a Nerf gun will NOT protect you. A Nerf gun is a toy, not a real weapon.

Little A: (sounding excited) How about a knife? Can I carry a knife everywhere I go?

Me: NO, you can not carry a knife everywhere you go! YOU ARE SIX YEARS OLD!

Little A: I know! How about a BIG staff, with knives on both ends? And I can spin it around so it’ll be like whirling blades in every direction!

Me: You are NOT. GOING. TO. CARRY. ANY. WEAPON. You want to know what the best way to protect yourself is? STAYING WITH ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO!

Little A: Hmmph! Well, how about I just carry a camera, and then if I get kidnapped, I’ll just take pictures of the kidnappers, and their house and their car and everything, and e-mail them to you, and then you can come and pick me up?

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